Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) is a powerful approach that emphasizes the importance of emotional bonds and attachment within families. By focusing on feelings and relationships, EFFT helps families understand and improve their connections. Here are some tips based on this approach to enhance your family counselling experience.

1. Recognize and Validate EmotionsIn EFFT, acknowledging emotions is crucial. Encourage family members to express their feelings openly and validate each other’s experiences. Phrases like “I can see that you’re feeling hurt” can go a long way in creating an emotionally safe environment.

2. Create a Safe Space for SharingEstablish a safe space where each family member feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. This can involve setting ground rules, such as no interrupting or dismissing others’ feelings. A safe environment fosters trust and openness.

3. Identify Patterns in InteractionsPay attention to recurring patterns in family interactions, especially those that lead to conflict. EFFT encourages families to recognize these cycles and understand how they impact emotional connections. Identifying patterns can help in finding new, healthier ways to relate to one another.

4. Focus on Attachment NeedsEvery family member has emotional needs related to attachment and security. Discuss these needs openly. Ask questions like, “What do you need from me to feel more connected?” This encourages vulnerability and strengthens emotional bonds.

5. Practice Empathy and Perspective-TakingEncourage family members to practice empathy by trying to see situations from each other’s perspectives. This practice can enhance understanding and reduce defensiveness. Simple exercises, like sharing feelings about a specific event, can foster empathy.

6. Communicate with “Soft Start-ups”When addressing conflicts, begin discussions gently. This “soft start-up” technique can reduce defensiveness and promote a more productive dialogue. Instead of saying, “You always ignore me,” try, “I feel lonely when we don’t spend time together.”

7. Express Needs ClearlyEncourage family members to express their needs clearly and directly. Using “I” statements helps communicate feelings and needs without sounding accusatory. For instance, “I need more time together” instead of “You never make time for me.”

8. Reinforce Positive InteractionsCelebrate positive interactions and moments of connection. Recognizing and reinforcing these moments can help shift the focus away from negativity and build a more supportive family environment. Acknowledge each other’s efforts to connect.

9. Engage in Family ActivitiesParticipating in shared activities can strengthen family bonds. Whether it’s game nights, cooking together, or outdoor activities, these shared experiences create opportunities for emotional connection and fun.

10. Seek Professional GuidanceIf you’re struggling to navigate complex emotions or conflicts, consider seeking professional help. A therapist trained in EFFT can guide your family through the process, providing tailored strategies to enhance emotional connections.

Conclusion

Family counselling, particularly through the lens of Emotionally Focused Family Therapy, offers valuable insights into building stronger emotional bonds. By embracing these tips, families can foster a deeper understanding of one another, improve communication, and create a more nurturing environment. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection. With patience and effort, your family can strengthen its connections and thrive together.

In our fast-paced world, mental health often takes a back seat to our daily responsibilities and commitments. Just as we schedule regular check-ups with our primary care physicians, it’s equally important to prioritize our mental health through regular check-ups with a mental health professional. Let’s explore why these check-ups are essential and how they can enhance your overall well-being.

Understanding Mental Health Check-Ups

Mental health check-ups are proactive assessments of your emotional and psychological state. Unlike therapy sessions that focus on specific issues, check-ups provide a broader overview of your mental health. They can help identify potential problems before they escalate and offer a space for reflection on your current emotional well-being.

Why Are Mental Health Check-Ups Important?

1.     Early Detection of Issues: Just like physical health, early intervention in mental health can make a significant difference. Regular check-ups can help identify symptoms of anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns early on, allowing for timely treatment.
2.     Stress Management: Life can be overwhelming, and regular check-ups provide an opportunity to discuss stressors in your life. A mental health professional can offer strategies to manage stress and prevent burnout, equipping you with tools to navigate life’s challenges.
3.     Emotional Awareness: Regular check-ups encourage self-reflection and emotional awareness. Discussing your feelings and experiences with a trained professional can help you better understand your emotional landscape and identify patterns that may be affecting your well-being.
4.     Support and Accountability: Having a scheduled time to discuss your mental health can provide a sense of accountability. It creates a safe space to express concerns, seek support, and set goals for personal growth.
5.     Promoting Overall Wellness: Mental health is interconnected with physical health. Regular check-ups can help you develop a holistic approach to your well-being, ensuring that both your mind and body are thriving.

How Often Should You Schedule a Check-Up?

The frequency of mental health check-ups can vary based on individual needs. Some may benefit from quarterly check-ups, while others might find annual sessions sufficient. It’s essential to listen to your body and mind and schedule check-ups based on your unique circumstances.

Breaking the Stigma

Despite the growing awareness of mental health, stigma still surrounds the idea of seeking help. It’s crucial to recognize that prioritizing mental health is a sign of strength, not weakness. Just as we don’t hesitate to see a doctor for a physical ailment, we should embrace the importance of addressing our mental health needs.

Taking the Next Step

If you haven’t had a mental health check-up recently, consider making it a priority. Reach out to a mental health professional to schedule a session. Remember, taking care of your mental health is not just about addressing problems—it's about nurturing your well-being and leading a fulfilling life.

Conclusion

Mental health check-ups are a vital component of overall wellness. By prioritizing these assessments, you invest in your emotional health and set the stage for a more balanced, fulfilling life. Don’t wait for a crisis to seek help—make regular mental health check-ups a part of your self-care routine. Your future self will thank you.

Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a complex condition that affects not just attention but also emotional regulation, impulse control, and daily functioning. While medication can play a crucial role in managing symptoms, ADHD counselling offers a complementary approach that can lead to profound benefits. In this blog, we’ll explore how counselling can empower individuals with ADHD and enhance their overall quality of life.

1. Improved Self-Awareness
One of the most significant benefits of ADHD counselling is increased self-awareness. A trained counsellor can help individuals understand their unique ADHD traits, enabling them to recognize how these traits manifest in their thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. This self-awareness is foundational for developing effective coping strategies.

2. Developing Coping Strategies
Counselling provides a supportive space to explore and implement practical strategies tailored to the individual's needs. Whether it's organizational skills, time management techniques, or social skills training, a counsellor can guide clients in creating a toolkit of strategies that can lead to improved daily functioning.

3. Emotional Support and Validation
Living with ADHD can sometimes lead to feelings of frustration, isolation, or low self-esteem. Counselling offers a safe and empathetic environment where individuals can express their feelings and experiences. This emotional support helps validate their struggles and reinforces the idea that they are not alone in their journey.

4. Behavioural Modification Techniques
Counsellors often employ behavioural therapies that can be particularly effective for those with ADHD. Techniques such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) focus on modifying negative thought patterns and behaviours, helping clients develop healthier responses to challenges. This can lead to improved relationships and a more positive self-image.

5. Family Involvement and Communication
ADHD doesn’t just affect the individual; it impacts family dynamics as well. Counsellors can facilitate family sessions to improve communication and understanding among family members. This collaborative approach helps families develop strategies to support their loved ones effectively.

6. Goal Setting and Achievement
Counsellors can assist clients in setting realistic, achievable goals. By breaking larger goals into smaller, manageable steps, individuals with ADHD can experience a sense of accomplishment, boosting their motivation and confidence. This structured approach helps in creating a pathway to success, both personally and professionally.

7. Enhancing Relationships
ADHD can sometimes create challenges in relationships due to impulsivity or difficulty with communication. Counselling can help individuals develop better interpersonal skills and learn techniques for effective communication. As clients improve their relational skills, they often experience more fulfilling and supportive connections with others.

8. Mindfulness and Stress Reduction
Many counsellors incorporate mindfulness practices into their sessions, which can be particularly beneficial for those with ADHD. Mindfulness helps individuals cultivate focus and awareness, reducing impulsivity and stress. Learning to be present can lead to improved emotional regulation and a calmer mindset.

9. Long-Term Strategies for Success
ADHD counselling isn’t just about immediate coping mechanisms; it also equips individuals with long-term strategies for success. Clients learn how to anticipate challenges, adapt their approaches, and develop resilience in the face of obstacles. This prepares them for life's ups and downs with greater confidence.
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Conclusion
ADHD counselling offers a wealth of benefits that can significantly enhance the quality of life for individuals with ADHD. By fostering self-awareness, providing emotional support, and equipping clients with practical strategies, counselling empowers individuals to navigate their unique challenges with greater ease. If you or someone you know is struggling with ADHD, consider reaching out to a qualified counsellor to explore the transformative potential of therapy. Together, we can build a pathway toward understanding, acceptance, and success.
 

​Parenting style can determine discipline strategies used. An authoritarian parent is more likely to use punishment, such as assigning additional chores for misbehaviour, while an authoritative parent would likely spend time explaining why the behaviour was inappropriate and decide, along with the child, what the child could do to rectify the situation. A permissive parent would try to fix the child’s ‘mistake’, and a neglectful parent would probably not even notice or acknowledge the misbehaviour.
 
Different discipline styles can lead to conflict among parenting partnerships. A permissive parent will spend their time covering up their child’s mistakes to avoid punishment from the authoritarian parent. An authoritative parent will bear the brunt of the disciplinarian load if the other parent has a neglectful style. This is one reason why it is so important for partners to be on the same page as parents.

​Many couples do not spend time discussing how they plan to parent and discipline their children prior to becoming parents, only to discover their differences once they are in the thick of parenting. Reading books, taking parenting courses, and talking with your partner are great ways to prepare for the adventure of parenting together.

Being a parent is not an easy job, and getting stuck in a cycle of conflict with your partner over differences in parenting style only adds to the challenge. If you and your partner are struggling to be a team as parents, counselling can help you get on track.
 
Contact Chantelle Beach, RSW, CCC, at www.vitalsoulcounselling.com, to book an appointment if you could use some parenting support and conflict resolution now.

This pandemic has been tough on all of us. The isolation, lack of social connections, and added stress can cause us to feel edgy. Working from home, our kids doing online school at home, and our social time being spent mostly at home means we are spending much more time together as families. Mostly, this is a great thing, but it might also mean conflict in the home has increased. I thought it would be timely to offer some tips for managing conflict that can reduce distress at home.
 
Positive Ways to Deal with Conflict:
Take a moment to think about why you are upset
Usually your feelings run a little deeper than “You are being too loud while I am in a zoom meeting!” Maybe you are feeling displaced because you don’t have adequate office space at home.
 
Choose one topic to discuss
When we are upset, it is easy to get carried away and bring up everything that has bothered us about that person since the beginning of time. It is much more productive to discuss and resolve the issue at hand.
 
No name calling!
Calling names is unproductive, may cause long-term hurt feelings, and does not resolve the problem. Focus on the problem, not the person.
 
Use “feeling” words
By expressing how you feel, using “I” statements, you will be taken more seriously and others will be motivated to generate a solution.
 
Wait your turn
Everyone deserves an opportunity to say what they want to say. A good rule of thumb is: You have 2 ears and 1 mouth, listen twice as much as you speak.
 
No silent treatment
This is called “stonewalling”. No problem can be resolved by refusing to engage in a discussion. It takes effort to resolve conflict, so it is important to avoid this hurtful retreat response.
 
Keep your voice in check
Yelling causes people to shut down and walk away. If you can take a deep breath and talk in a normal tone of voice, much more productive discussions will evolve.
 
Take a break
If you feel emotionally charged, take a moment by yourself before you address the issue that is upsetting you. When we address conflict while we are emotionally heated, we often say hurtful things we do not mean to say.

Infidelity, an affair, or cheating, is having sexual or emotional involvement with someone outside of a committed monogamous relationship. It causes deep emotional wounds and often leads to relationship breakdown.  

With the Covid-19 pandemic causing increased stress for many people, relationships are suffering. Stress, whether shared as a couple or experienced individually, impacts relationships negatively. It causes conflict, irritability, or withdrawing. Some people turn to poor coping strategies such as substance abuse, numbing out on technology, or indulging in junk food.

Stress can lead to a decrease in relationship satisfaction, and decreased relationship satisfaction can increase the risk of infidelity.

Why do people cheat?

• Relationship dissatisfaction is one risk factor. Other motivators and/or risk factors include attempts to increase self-esteem or autonomy; a desire for more frequent sexual interactions, and a desire for a variety of sexual partners.

 
How does infidelity impact relationships?

• damages trust and attachment security
• causes financial challenges
• leads to a strained sexual relationship
• In extreme cases, can lead to divorce or separation
• In extreme cases, can lead to violence in the relationship

 
How does infidelity impact the individual?

• loss in self-esteem (feelings of shame)
• behavioural symptoms (avoid activities, social isolation, suspiciousness)
• emotional symptoms (sadness/depression/anxiety)
• physical symptoms (stomach distress, headaches, sleep disturbances)
• sexual impact (feelings of inadequacy, loss of libido)

 
How can counselling help?

• Managing and regulating emotions - anger, grief, shame
• Facilitating forgiveness
• Focusing on emotional reconnection with partner
• Rebuilding trust and relationship security

 
With the right intervention, some couples recover from the trauma of infidelity stronger than they were before the affair.

How is your relationship weathering the pandemic?